Idealizing the EX

2010-09-11T07:21:00.000-07:00

Everytime I move on from one relationship, I carefully think about the breakup...and why i want the breakup...and then when I'm finally 100% sure that there is no future for us....I get my running shoes ready.

breakup checklist:

1) supportive friends to get your mind off things? check!
2) feeling vulnerable, but strong enough to get through this? check!
3) mentally preparing for lots of nights out and drinking? check!!
4) knowing that I will not regret this decision. (tilts head) CHECK

So, why is it that I always have this glamourized memory of my ex's? When I find myself in a new relationship, I always look back at my most recent ex and MISS him. I almost compare him to the new bf, KNOWING that this is a big no-no. And I dont look back and idealize all my ex's. I just do this with whoever is my most recent ex. Its like this subconcious poising that seeps into my mind that I feel like I can't control. The crazy thing is, logically, I know I was miserable with my ex. I also know that my current bf is wonderful! Is this normal? lol

I figure this is a better outlet than discussing all my thoughts and feelings with Steve. I don't want to push him away. I don't want to keep "finding faults" bc I'm scared to commit. I want to get off this merry-go-round please! =)

You and I are going to help me figure this out!! Are you with me? (hears crickets) I guess I need to get some readers first. =D

GASP...i'm in love. again.

2010-09-10T23:07:00.000-07:00

I am a 30 year old female, and I'm having a hard time figuring out what my problem is when it comes to love. What's my problem?? I'd like to take you on a journey through the chaos that is my mind, and hope that somehow, at the end of this journey I can love like a normal person.

About me...

Well, I'm not your typical commitment phobe. I'm a girl, for starters. I also LOVE being in relationships...or at least the idea of them. =) I've been in 4 long term relationships that always end around the 3 year mark. Something happens to me right around the 2 year mark and I start looking for escape hatches. But why? Actually, now that I'm 30, this is starting to happen much sooner.

I am convinced that I am not the problem. I genuinely believe there is something about me that causes men to act....clingy? Have all men become too sensitive over the years? I started this blog because I hope that I'm wrong. God I hope I'm wrong...

Here I go...falling in love again. Wish me luck!!

Whats love got to do with it?

Idealizing the EX

GASP...i'm in love. again.